Meeting the Resistant Parts.

Have you ever noticed emotional tension in your tissues during your massage? Has your massage therapist ever wondered why your muscles are resisting the work?

A Massage Mate came in last week for the first time in a few months. When I asked what brought them in, they remarked how they hadn’t been in for a massage in quite a while, and just missed it. They wanted to focus on all the same physical & emotional issues as we had been working on previously; this is a person who I have been working with for years even if they only come as needed, which is intermittently.

“Grounded” was the word they used to describe what they hoped to get out of their time on the table today. Massage Mate (MM) mentioned that they have been working with a mental health therapist using the Internal Family Systems  (IFS) modality developed by Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D., and felt like they were in a much more resilient place than they have been - though those usual spots on the left side of their body were asking for attention.

When I began the session, I was actually a little surprised by how much resistance their tissues were giving me. (It reminded me of one of my own recent acupuncture sessions with Masha Aguirre where she tried placing a needle in my left trapezius at least three times, and it kept bouncing out. 😅) In other sessions, MM’s muscle tension has yielded easily when given the invitation and encouragement. This guarding, reluctance, and defiance in the tissues of what I was offering made me consider how our IFS ‘parts’ might present in our bodies. I silently asked myself what those parts needed, and that reminded me of two important concepts in parenting:

Confident Leadership.

Connection before correction.

Then, I used those concepts to guide the rest of the session. My compressions offered nurturing, safety, and predictability. My gliding strokes were deliberate, methodical, and repetitive rather than whimsical, erratic, or frivolous. What I intended them to do:

To reassure.

To co-regulate.

To encourage and nudge.

To move at the pace that would unite the team.

To connect before I tried to correct.

The truth is, I couldn't tell in the moment whether my approach was the right one. Any parent knows that feeling! Sometimes you just do not know if you're making the right call. But you choose a direction, lead with confidence, and stay open to new information.

And, that’s what I did on the table. I modeled Confident Leadership, committed to it, and kept listening for any feedback that would ask for change.

Before you try to release that tight muscle, nip that annoying habit, or the silence the part of you that won't cooperate, maybe you can ask what it's been protecting and offer a little steadiness first. Connection before correction might make a big difference.

It’s something to think about when you book your next session.